Maidenhead Speakers Club
Christmas Meeting
14th December 2009
We knew we were in for some surprises when TME Keith Clarke’s pre-meeting invite requested that we turn up dressed in ‘red or green’. This instruction was interpreted fairly liberally by the 20 or so who attended : wine red, mauve, lime green, tinsel green, maroon all counted apparently, on shoes, skirts and shirts or on trousers, ties and tops, not to mention the Ferrari red of past President Steve Catchick’s dancing trousers.
President Ian Rees opened the meeting with a presentation on the Club Success Plan, something every TM club should have if it is to continue to progress. The annual awards slowly covering up our club banner are a testament to the club’s dedication to following a plan over the years- what happens when the banner is completely covered was not explained. There was some discussion, again, about the CL programme and whether it was too challenging or complex. Those who are following it seem less daunted by it than those yet to start.
Maidenhead Speakers Club Christmas Meeting 2009. l-r: Annie Harris (Speaker), Jacqui Hogan (Speaker), Keith Clark (Toastmaster) and Sheila Hamilton-Andrews (Speaker).
Our leader on the night, Keith Clarke, led the evening’s entertainment off with a group story exercise. The theme of the evening was storytelling, and Keith set the scene with an introduction (not put off by the strict timer, John, trying to cut him off after 20secs), after which each member present had to continue the story for 20 seconds, before passing the topic on to another named member. What followed was a hilarious developing tail of what happened after the discovery of a dead body holding a gavel at a TM meeting. Sherlock Holmes and his bloodhounds were called in after the instructions “in case of finding a body” in the CC manual were found wanting. The bloodhounds did not have enough bells on but started digging a grave when an ambulance arrived – meanwhile the Sergeant at Arms was all for carrying on the meeting regardless. In the end Sherlock announced of course that it was “Elementary Dear Watson….” but the 20secs was up before we heard whodunit!
This was a great exercise to warm up the audience and put us in the mood for the three story telling speeches. Annie Harris started us off with a Christmas tale – a mixture of her own recollections of Christmases past with some explanations of the origins of some of our Christmas traditions. Did you know why the fairy on top of your Christmas tree is not smiling? Perhaps having a sprig of fir stuck up it’s ****** has something to do with it!
Sheila Hamilton Andrews was our second speaker, with a tale of “How to have a Happy Christmas”. In fact Sheila had had one some years back and proceeded to explain why. It wasn’t because the guest list crept up from 6, to 9, to 10, to 11 and finally 12, it wasn’t the generous drinks, it wasn’t the recalcitrant husbands turning up anyway or the potatoes roasted with rosemary the day before. No, the jovial mood of all on the day was down to Sheila erroneously adding lavender instead of rosemary to the potatoes, lavender, of course, being known to reduce hostility.
Final speech of the evening was given by Jacqui Hogan: “A truth universally acknowledged” was an enthralling tale of the life of Jane Austen. The speech had to be briefly interrupted, to allow the ladies to compose themselves, after Jacqui described in great visual and auditory detail Darcy’s exit from the pond wearing a wet shirt in the BBC production of Pride and Prejudice.
After the speeches we broke for drinks and refreshments courtesy of the committee and members respectively… before returning for a topical Table Topics. The topic was not Christmas but story telling of course. Amanda Bouch as TTM had a collection of photos from which she chose one for the nominated speaker to interpret. This really stretched people’s ability to contrive a ‘tale’ on the spot. Pav talked about fat men and thin men at Awards Ceremonies, John about floods, happiness and crushed tomatoes, Bilal about Copenhagen and climate change, Norman didn’t mention his caravan, Helen about how children make Christmas enjoyable, Debbie about her preference for a cold miserable night in a UK pub over a sunny day by the beach, at least at Christmas time anyway, and Farhan about how to get a standing ovation – except that he did not!
And that was it. The enjoyable evening was over too quickly. With no voting, no grammarian and no evaluations, it only remained for TME Keith and Club President Ian to wish everyone a great Christmas and bang the MSC gavel for the last time in 2009.
